3 October 2018: Interview with a retired police officer who was involved at the scene of a fatal aeroplane crash
Reflecting on the impact of being involved in this disaster, what helped him at the time and why, he said:
‘I remember finding out about it at roughly 4 to 5am in the morning. We didn’t get a lot of information, just that it was a 20 seater plane, so we didn’t know what we were facing. You have to sort of build yourself up, you think of the worst scenario, you push it to the limit, it’s like a defence mechanism. I thought is it a terrorist attack? I can’t remember what I felt at that point, I don’t think I felt any sadness, I don’t think I did. I think there were some nerves at that point, I remember we were tired and we (other police officers) didn’t shut up.
Maybe dealing with this was why I didn’t like flying for a long time afterwards. It was nine years before I flew again. I’ve never thought about that before. Dealing with the incident really made me appreciate my family more. I felt very blessed because I was going home at the end of my shift to see my family and my kids. I remembered seeing the other officers that had been there, the police can have a ‘hangman’s humour’ but there was none of that, which was unusual.
I remembered feeling sorry for them and that I felt helpless at that point. I can remember that they were told to go home at the end of the shift and they all said no. “We have started this and we wanted to finish”. It was like they had come to know the people. (the deceased) They were ordered home but they weren’t very happy. It was hard thinking about the families of the victims, we just felt so sad for the family they left behind.
On our way home afterwards everyone was really quiet, no humour or banter, we were just quiet, everyone knew that it was as if people just wanted to be quiet, it was like they needed to be in their own quiet place. We had to work as quickly as possible when we there, so the adrenaline was still there when I got home. As the days went on there was a bit of dark humour.
On the fourth day we were told to stop working because the families were coming to visit. They came down in convoy and when they got out of the cars, there were children. We bought some flowers and we planned on leaving them and we were allowed to do that. That was a really emotional experience. I can remember having a really heavy heart, I didn’t feel in control, there was nothing I could do, I was helpless and felt really inadequate. I coped with that feeling by doing something, I needed to do something to busy myself. That night when we went home it was very quiet and sombre. I think it really brought it home to everyone just what had happened.
It helped that we had a very good officer in charge; he really thought about his team, he was very empathic really. On the first night he arranged for us all to have some time and drink together and that really helped. Just having some time as a team together. Everybody was very respectful, everybody wanted to do a good job and work together. Being part of a team really helped, being able to speak to someone else who had been a part of it also helped. They sent us for counselling afterwards. I didn’t get any flashbacks or PTSD. I remember being asked if there was anything else they (senior police officers) could do to help us.
We had been told by the RAF team who were also involved about what they did with the plane afterwards, that it gets put back together and we asked if they would let us go and see it and they said of course. They paid for a transit van to take us and for the food and the petrol; they were really good. They let us invite the police photographer who we had got to know. That day really helped, we got to see where the engines were, we saw the Lockerbie plane and that also helped.
The biggest thing that helped was that the whole thing was so well carried out, there was nothing slap-dash; everyone wanted to do it right. We kept in contact with the RAF team who were also there. They listened to us when we were there, they even moved the site of the morgue because it was too close to the canteen it didn’t seem right somehow, respectful and they listened to us and moved them. They even changed the menu in the makeshift staff canteen because they had made a meal which was hard for us to stomach after what we had seen that day. They thought about what food they should serve and what wouldn’t be okay.
We could also talk if we had any issues, we all supported each other, we were a close knit team, there was a lot of trust, and we could be honest with one another. We had a very calm sergeant; he encouraged us to talk and to say what we thought and to get it out of the way.’