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What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness

"Forthright, positive, insistence on the recognition of one’s rights."

Concise Oxford Dictionary

Assertiveness means standing up for your personal rights and expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in direct, honest and appropriate ways…with respect.

Other words which can be found in a thesaurus to define it are self-confident, forceful, firm, self-assured, confident and insistent.

How assertive are you?

To find out, take this Assertiveness Quiz.

Read each question and the three possible answers then choose which option you would do in that situation: choosing an answer from A, B, or C.

1. You are standing in a queue at the train ticket office when someone steps in the line ahead of you. Do you:

A. Let them in, they’re in the queue now?

B. Pull them out of the queue and make them go to the back?

C. Tell them that you’re in a queue and that they need to go to the back?

2. You are in a burger shop and order a chicken burger with mayonnaise, but they give you one with ketchup. Do you:

A. Say nothing and take it. There’s no need to make a fuss?

B. Angrily demand to see the manager?

C. Explain the error to the server and ask for another one?

3. You’re in the middle of watching a really interesting TV programme when your parent comes in and asks you to do them a favour. Do you:

A. Do the favour as quickly as you can then get back to the TV?

B. Say ‘No’ and carry on watching TV?

C. Ask if it can wait until your programme is finished and then do it?

4. After walking out of a shop you realise you’ve been short-changed. Do you:

A. Just forget it, the shop is busy?

B. Find the manager and point out the cashier who has stolen your money?

C. Go back to the cashier and explain their error?

5. At the cinema, you ask for a small drink which costs £2. The server mistakenly pours you a large drink and asks you for £4. Do you:

A. Pay the £4 as they’ve already poured it?

B. Ask to see the manager to complain about being ripped off?

C. Explain you asked for a small drink and ask them to change it?

6. A friend pops in to say hello but ends up staying too long, meaning you can’t 
finish an important task. Do you:

A. Let them stay, you can squeeze in your task later?

B. Tell them to stop bothering you and leave?

C. Explain you have things to do so could they come back another time?

7. You think someone is holding a grudge against you and you don’t know why. Do you:

A. Pretend you haven’t noticed and hope they get over it?

B. Find a way to get even with them so they learn not to hold grudges against you?

C. Ask them if they’re angry with you and try to be understanding?

8. You invite a friend over for dinner but they don’t turn up and don’t call to explain why. Do you:

A. Ignore it, but maybe not show up next time they invite you somewhere?

B. Complain about them to your other friends?

C. Call them to see if everything is OK?

9. You take your laptop to be repaired and you’re given a written estimate of the cost. When you collect you have been billed for additional work and the amount is a lot higher. Do you:

A. Pay the bill, it must have needed more work than they thought?

B. Refuse to pay and tell them you’re going to complain to head of the company?

C. Explain to the manager that you agreed on the estimated amount so that is all you are prepared to pay?

10. You’re in a group discussion at work which includes your manager. Your colleague asks you a question that you don’t know the answer to. Do you:

A. Give them a false but plausible answer so your manager thinks you’re on top of things?

B. Don’t answer, but ask them a question they won’t know the answer to?

C. Tell them you’re not sure but will give them the information later?

How did you score?

There are generally three broad styles of interpersonal behaviour.

These are: a. Passive, b. Aggressive, and c. Assertive.

The more A answers you chose the more passive your behaviour is.

The more B answers you chose the more aggressive your behaviour is.

The more C answers you chose the more assertive your behaviour is.

Take a look at the C answers again. If you can move your everyday behaviour closer to the C style of response, it could help to increase your self-esteem and decrease any feelings of stress that you have.

If you would like to learn more about assertiveness and other communication styles, take a look at our Meaningful Communication course. Search for this in the courses section of our website.

Important:

You might want to make notes at this point. These may help you remember things, work out what you want or see how much you’ve changed if you read them again in a few years’ time.