Improving Relationships

How to improve your relationships

• Try something new: Research has shown that the experience of doing something new together can boost relationship wellbeing.
• Express thanks regularly: Acknowledging the little things that often go unnoticed can go a long way. It can make one feel valued and more willing to continue to contribute to the relationship. Try and say ‘thank you’ for something every day.
• Cooperate: Since people are different, there will always be some disagreements, conflicts, or misunderstandings in any relationship. It is common that when a disagreement occurs, both parties see it as a fight or a competition. Here, there is a winner and a loser. And since nobody wants to be the loser, they do whatever they can ‘to win’. In such interactions , even if you seem to win, you actually don’t because the process has its cost. Remind yourself that you are not enemies and that you can look at a problem from the same side instead of facing off against each other. Here, you look for solutions together, as a team.
• Ask: People aren’t mind readers. Don’t assume someone else knows what is going on for you. If you need something, ask for it. The other person isn’t going to know that you need more help unless you make the request. Put it out there; in a good relationship the other person will try to help.
• Be aware of your tone of voice: During casual, everyday interactions, like a phone call, sound engaged (as in, not distracted) and glad to be making small talk. During intense conversations, avoid using domineering, hostile, or sarcastic tones. Don’t minimise or dismiss the other’s fears, worries or dreams.
• Avoid interrupting: Try not to interrupt or change the subject. Or behave like you know everything. Or act like something that was hard to say was never said. Basically, don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want the other person to do to you during any kind of conversation.
• Give yourself time out if necessary: Some conversations can be intense and sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all. That doesn’t mean, however, that you should simply stop addressing the issue. Know that it’s fine to say, ‘I’ll need to think about that’ as the other person should understand that you want some time to process everything. Be sure, however, to revisit the conversation at an appropriate time and within a reasonable time period.

• Pay full attention: Put down your phone!  Resist the urge to check social media! To show you are fully present just listen and give non-verbal signals that you’re truly engaged, for example nodding your head and maintaining eye contact. Demonstrate that you are indeed listening, by reflecting back, ‘Am I understanding you in full? Am I hearing you clearly?’ Similarly, validate your partner’s feelings, ‘I’m sorry to hear that you’re so angry, or I can see why you’re so upset’. Developing communication skills is  important. Couples who are able to discuss difficult topics constructively are more satisfied as well.
• Take responsibility for your own feelings and perspectives: What you have to say will be more powerful, and hopefully better heard, if you own it with an ‘I’ statement, for example,’ I feel sad when you…’ Taking responsibility for your feelings and perspectives empowers you to create better solutions in that you’ll be better heard. Try to express your needs assertively without getting angry. Even if the other person doesn’t agree with you or understand your perspective, the other person can’t fault you for how you feel.
• Show compassion and consideration: A little kindness and understanding can go a long way. In relationships it is not possible to know everything that is going on in someone else’s mind. Trying to understand what is going on for the other person can help improve the wellbeing of relationships.
• Be thoughtful: Just a little effort can go a surprisingly long way in boosting relationship satisfaction. Research shows that thoughtful gestures make people feel grateful. In relationships, that gratitude predicts the next day’s satisfaction, and feelings of connection, for both the gesture giver and the receiver.
• Be open to feedback: Communication needs to be a two-way street. If you expect the other person to hear you out, then you need to be open and willing to any reaction they may give, and the need to reflect back on what you’ve just said. There are three sides to any issue in a relationship: your perspective, the other person’s perspective, and the truth.