Unhelpful thoughts
There are many types of thoughts, some of these can be described as unhelpful. We have probably all experienced them at some point but usually they come and go without causing any real problems for us. However, if these sort of thoughts start to happen very frequently or all the time, they can start making life much more difficult.
Once you can identify your unhelpful thinking styles, you can start to notice them – they very often occur just before and during distressing situations. Being able to step back and notice your own thoughts is part of what is known as being self-aware. Once you can notice them you can begin to change your relationship with them – this might be to accept them, challenge them or to distance yourself from them. There is often a different way to relate to your thoughts that may be more helpful.
Alternative ways of thinking
Catastrophising is when we …
Blow things out of proportion.
An alternative way of thinking is …
'OK, thinking that the worst possible thing will definitely happen is not really helpful right now. What is most likely to happen?'
Labelling is when we …
Assign labels or name-call ourselves and others.
An alternative way of thinking is …
'I am not stupid, I am just having trouble working this out right now.'
Jumping to conclusions is when we …
Predict the outcome of a situation.
An alternative way of thinking is …
'Am I thinking that I can predict the future? How likely is it that that might really happen?'
Mind reading is when we …
Imagine that we know what others are thinking.
An alternative way of thinking is …
'Am I assuming I know what others are thinking? What’s the evidence? Those are my own thoughts, not theirs. Is there another, more balanced way of looking at it?'
Filtering is when we…
Ignore the good stuff and pay attention to the bad.
An alternative way of thinking is …
'Am I only noticing the bad stuff? Am I filtering out the positives? Am I wearing those ‘gloomy glasses’? What would be more realistic?'
Black and white thinking is when we …
See everything in terms of opposites.
An alternative way of thinking is …
'Things are not either totally white or totally black – there are shades of grey. Where is this on the spectrum?'
Judgements are when we …
Make evaluations or judgements about events, ourselves, others, or the world, rather than describing what we actually see.
An alternative way of thinking is …
'I am making an evaluation about the situation or person. It is how I make sense of the world, but that does not mean my judgements are always right or helpful. Is there another perspective?'
Shoulds and musts are when we …
Think or say, ‘I should’ (or shouldn’t) and ‘I must’. This puts pressure on us and sets up unrealistic expectations.
An alternative way of thinking …
'Am I putting more pressure on myself, setting up expectations of myself that are almost impossible? What would be more realistic?'
You may have come across the term ‘thinking errors’. Some people find it helpful to understand their way of thinking in this way, however, other people find this invalidating and harmful. It is often most useful to work out the impact your thoughts are having on your life, rather than judging the thoughts themselves.
There are common types of thoughts for people who experience chronic anxiety.
| Thought | Type of anxiety |
|---|---|
| “I’m a complete failure if everything is not perfect.” | Focusing on negatives while filtering out any positives. |
| “I didn’t get the job. I’ll never get a job.” | All-or-nothing thinking, everything is ‘black-or-white’ with no middle ground. |
| “I got one question on the test wrong. I’m useless.” | Overgeneralising after a single negative experience, expecting it to be true forever. |
| “I did well on my presentation, but it was just luck.” | Creating reasons why positive things don’t count. |
Below are more examples of types of beliefs and common thoughts that go with them:
- Deciding something is negative without proof, acting like a mind reader e.g. “I can tell she secretly hates me.” Or predicting the future e.g. “I just know something bad is coming.”
- Expecting the worst-case scenario e.g. “The pilot said there is turbulence. The plane is going to crash!”
- Believing that the way you feel reflects reality. “I feel like a fool. Everyone’s probably laughing at me.”
- Setting strict rules for yourself and feeling like a failure if you break them e.g. “I should never have tried to talk to her. I’m such an idiot.”
- Labelling yourself based on mistakes you believe you’ve made e.g. “I’m a failure; I’m boring; I deserve to be alone.”
- Assuming things outside of your control are your fault e.g. “It’s my fault my son crashed his car. I should have warned him to drive carefully.”
Things to think about
- Do you recognise any of the unhelpful ways of thinking described above.
- Is there anything that makes you feel anxious?