Afterwards
Bettrys thought a lot about what happened to change everything. Why had she not been able to help more. She felt angry with herself that she had been so scared and she thought about what else she should have done.
Now it was like she was always day dreaming.
‘If only I had done more we would all still be together.’
‘Mum and dad were counting on me and I’ve let them down.’
‘Why am I here? If only it was me and not them.’
Bettrys felt like she had a big stone sitting in the bottom of her tummy making her feel heavy. She felt sad about losing her collection of conkers, shiny white stones and shells and all the lovely memories they held. She thought this was such a small thing compared to what the bad thing did to all her family.
Getting to sleep was tricky too, she would dream about the bad thing. Sometimes it felt so real like it all was happening again. When she wakes up crying mum has to remind her that she is safe now. It’s hard to do her chores because she’s worried that the bad thing might come back. Sometimes she thinks she sees and hears things and it’s like she is right back there, she can jump at big sounds and inside she feels sick and scared.
© Copyright Lucy Hargan 2018
She tells herself if the bad thing came back at least she will do the right thing this time. At other times she thinks about digging a big hole and crawling into it to help her forget. The rest of the time she wants to stay very close to her mum and Bevyn.