Four Response Styles
You might have noticed that you use a mixture of the 4 response styles when interacting with others, depending on the relationship, the situation and how you were feeling at the time. This is common, the point isn’t to be using active constructive responding all of the time but instead to notice the most appropriate opportunities to use it.
When we begin to think about why it is that we respond in a variety of ways, it isn’t often the case that we are doing so to spite the other person. It might be that they are trying to share the news when we’re busy and we may respond in a passive constructive or destructive way because we aren’t able, at that time, to give the person our full attention.
Also, when people use active destructive responding this is often because they are worried in some way, about the positive news, so they are quick to point out the flaws of the situation and may actually mention potential problems that we hadn’t considered. There might be an argument then for active destructive responding being helpful, however, this is not the case. It is definitely worth sharing concerns with someone, if you are close enough with them to do so, but this is not a helpful first response and can damage the relationship if it occurs too often.